he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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