She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
