dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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