she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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