If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
