she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize