know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
