Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
