did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
