Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
