If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize