Your face is a jimmy john
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
