we have pet lesbian snakes
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
