thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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