Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize