I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
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