We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
