Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
two words...techno handjob
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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