we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
