His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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