i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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