things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
