I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
