seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
