is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
