Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
