put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Michael Bay diarrhea
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
