That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
