Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
