he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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