i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
