I hate all girls vehemently.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
