I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
