Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
