So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
