The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I have feelings that need drinking.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize