i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
