dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
