is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
