thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
