Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
