For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
