At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize