Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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