During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
and she was petting her beer can
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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