who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
