my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
