I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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