vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize