and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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