Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I want her autograph on my taint
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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