I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
