sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
