The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize