I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
