I wanna bring you to show and tell
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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