Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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