Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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