dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
