I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
