Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
