Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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