I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She told me I should be a condom model.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
