just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Randomize
