i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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