the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
