Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
