U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
