Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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