if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
