sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
